The Eagle’s Secret*

“This bus will wait here for a short time whilst drivers are changed,” the announcer says.  Am sitting with the panther on the bus home from the Office.  

The sky is grey and it’s cold: am wearing a fleece and jeans and trainers.  

Yesterday was a Bad Seb Day, full of lots of crying again but today is better.  Am pleased with self for achieving a day of work.  There are little things to look forward to: Springwatch tonight, seeing Suzie, lifting weights tomorrow.

This post was going to report that have never been this unhappy before, which is true.  And yet, despite the horrors, am looking forward to seeing my friend.  And, for the first time ever, there’s a Golden Eagle nest cam on Springwatch, and can’t wait to see the chick again.

The photos aren’t attaching again but have deleted some, so soon this will be solved.

Had a lovely cuddle with my fluffy monster this morning.

Happy Tuesday everyone!
*2014.  By Erez Aharoni.  Military thriller.

The Face Of Deception*

1.  Go for walk with chum and canine chum in the woods.

2.  There are beautiful rhododendrons:

3.  Parentals drive me back to the flat.

4.  Manage three hours there before asking them to pick me up as am miserable.

5.  So am back at parental home now.  It is better than being on own when mood is so low.  The panther is curled up with me on the sofa under my furry blanket as it is cold.

6.  Have been cuddling the fluffy monster and removing grass seeds from his coat.

7. We have been watching Zoo Quest in Colour: amazing footage of David Attenborough in the wild in 1955 with anteaters, Komodo dragons, hoatzins and many other creatures.

8.  Mum is making me an artichoke.

9.  Tomorrow is Office and then Suzie is coming to see me at the flat so won’t be on own.

10.  The attached photo is one of Mum’s black irises.

Happy Monday everyone!
*1999.  By Iris Johansen.  Detective novel.


Am watching a sleeping beagle.  He is making snuffling noises: dreaming about chasing hares, perhaps.  We’ve just been for the same walk in the fields as yesterday, so there’s nothing else to say about that.

Lily is making a frittata.  Am sitting on the black Welsh slate floor writing this.  The panther lies next to me, his head on his paws, staring at the beagle with huge amber eyes.  

“Quick, take a photo of one of peonies for the blog,” Mum says earlier.  So here it is:

We make it to the opening of the bookshop today.  Unfortunately am having a bad day and arrive in a floor-length orange dress and sunglasses.  Hope not to bump into anyone that we know.  Luckily, don’t.  On the plus side: the bookshop is gorgeous and intend to return soon.

It’s tough today at Spin.  Have a special new device that measures heart rate and tells you how hard you’re working.  End up making lots of extra effort to impress the machine.  Now just have to keep this up forever…

The smell of sesame oil permeates the air.  Yum!  Am excited about supper.

The attached photo is today’s Spin outfit.

Happy Sunday everyone!
*2011.  By Linda O. Johnston.  Book 1 in the Pet Rescue mystery series.

Deliver Us*

Am spending some quality time with a canine chum.  He is Lily’s canine nephew and haven’t seen him for months so it’s good to catch up with him.

We go for a walk across the fields: Lily, the pooch, Lily’s husband and toddler and me.  It’s hot and there are planes flying in to land at the aerodrome.  The wheat that we’re walking through is chest-high and the sun beats down.  We could be in a film: where one of the planes swoops down to spray us with something deadly.  Or maybe there’s a murderer hiding in the wheat.

“I ran through here this morning,” Lily says.  “On my own.”

“That must’ve been a bit disconcerting,” I say.  “Because you can’t see if there’s anyone hiding in the wheat and…”

“Yeah, it was weird,” she says.

“Maybe we’re all going to get murdered,” Lily’s husband says.

“We mustn’t,” I say.  “It will be traumatic for the pooch.  He’ll never get over it.”

We pass a bonfire.

“That’s where he burns the bodies,” Lily’s husband says.

I shiver.

Somehow we make it back without getting murdered.  It’s still hot and sunny.  Am writing this from a sun lounger outside.  The panther is gazing into the pond, looking for fish.  It’s good to be spending a bit of time with my friends.

Attached photo is today’s Spin outfit.

Happy Saturday everyone!
*2015.  By Kathryn Casey.  True crime book about the infamous Texas killing fields.

Match Point For Murder*

“Lovely shot, Stan,” Mum says.  Have hauled self out of bed to lie under my blanket on the sofa.  Stan Wawrinka is 6 – 4, 5 – 2 up against Jeremy Chardy and it’s packed there: presumably because Chardy is French.  For Andy’s match earlier the court was half empty.  On the plus side: Andy beat Ivo Karlovic in straight sets so didn’t have to stay up all day watching another five-setter.

Stan wins the set.  Mum wanders off.  The panther stretches out, taking up Mum’s seat.  

“You’re going to have to move when Mum returns,” I tell him.

“I don’t see why you have to be so fat and take up so much room,” the panther says, pressing a paw into my tummy, looking disgusted.

Turning away from him, can feel the tears building up.  Mustn’t cry in front of the panther, I think.  Don’t want to cry anyway: Mum is already worried about how miserable I am.

On the plus side: lift weights again this morning in my purple outfit (see attached photo).  And then make it back to the parentals and spend time with my fluffy monster in the garden.  

“It’s a lovely way to spend a Friday evening – sunlight falling on Chatrier,” the commentator says.  And it does indeed look lovely there: the red clay court glinting in the evening light.  

“Supper,” Mum says to the fluffy monster and he bounds up the stairs after her, waving his tail.  He is a clever boy to know so many words: supper, lunch, breakfast and out for a start.

Anyway: must have a bath as we have people coming for dinner.

Happy Friday everyone!
*1975.  By Kin Platt.  Tennis murder mystery novel.

Postcards From The Edge*

Having a Bad Seb Day where am thinking about him and crying a lot.  It’s not just today, of course.  Don’t bang on about him every day on here as it’s boring for you to read about.  But at the same time, it’s important to tell the truth: he is the love of my life and am spending about two hours a day crying about him at the moment.  Miss him so much and this time last year we were so happy.

Anyway, let’s make a list of things that aren’t terrible:

1.  Achieve Spin this morning.

2.  Have some lovely cuddles with the fluffy monster yesterday and today.  Here he is:

3.  The irises are all coming out at the parentals.  Will take some photos next time am there.

4.  It is warm and sunny.

5.  There is tennis to watch.

6.  Seeing Dr Stein (psychiatrist) on Saturday and maybe he can help.

7.  This can’t go on forever.  The very nature of a cyclical mood disorder ensures that my mood will lift.  It won’t stay low forever.

8.  Have painted nails – lilac – for the first time in a while and they look much better.

9.  Have had a surprise visit from Suzie.

10.  My goldfinches are here.

The attached photo is today’s Spin outfit.

Happy Thursday everyone!


*1987.  By Carrie Fisher.

The Squirrel Machine*

“It’s a very French setting here.  You’ve got French players all over the place,” John Inverdale reports from the French Open.  Am watching with Mum and the fluffy monster.  He has just come in for his supper.  Here he is:

Aggie Radwanska – in a short frilly orange dress – is 6 -2, 1 – 0 up against one of the aforementioned French players, Caroline Garcia, in blue.  It’s hot and sunny in Paris, it seems: unlike here where it’s cold and grey and am huddled under my furry blanket.  The panther lies next to me on the sofa.

On the plus side: lift some heavy weights at the gym this morning.  Am determined to get my muscles back.  Manage to lift 15kg chest bar today, so that is good.  

“I saw a red squirrel today,” Dad says at lunchtime.

“No you didn’t,” Mum says.

“How do you know?” Dad says.  “How do you know what I saw?  It had a red chest and…”

“We don’t have red squirrels here, Dad,” I say.  “But the grey ones have a reddish tinge.”

This is a red squirrel – who Dad didn’t see in the garden because they don’t inhabit these parts:

Look how pretty he is!  Those gorgeous ear tufts.  

The squirrels that inhabit the parental garden are grey squirrels. Like this person.  Note the reddish tinge to parts of his coat :


“You need a bath,” Mum says.

“How do you know?” I say.  “As far as you know, I’ve had a bath every day since you last saw me on Sunday and…”

“But you haven’t,” Mum says.  “Have you?”

“No,” I say.

Had better have one now I suppose.  Maybe will even wash hair.

The attached photo is today’s gym outfit.

Happy Wednesday everyone!
*2013.  By Hans Rickheit.  Graphic novel.

Fear In The Sunlight*

Stepping off the bus this morning, I notice the sunlight falling on the canal.  And it’s so beautiful that I stop to take a photo, which is attached.

Have a Bad Night last night: waking at 3.15am and again at 6.15am and 7.20am.  Cutting down my carbamazepine is disturbing my sleep, due to the withdrawal of its sedative effect.

On the plus side: achieve my two days of work.  Now am on the bus with the panther.  The trees still shock with their bright new leaves.  The panther dozes on the seat next to me, his huge head resting in my lap.

When I get home there’s an artichoke waiting and, possibly, some action from Roland Garros.  Mum managed to watch some yesterday so fingers crossed I’ll find it today.

Am looking forward to lifting some weights tomorrow and spending some time in the Outside World – May is my favourite month and it’s almost over.

Happy Tuesday everyone!
*2012.  By Nicola Upson.  Book 4 in the Josephine Tey mystery series.

Murder Must Advertise*

It’s a gorgeous sunny day and am trapped in The Office.  Cutting down my mood stabiliser means that didn’t sleep well last night.  And there’s no option but to Focus on my Important Work.

Will be allowed out for a walk in the sunshine at lunchtime, so that’s good.  

Here are some alliums in the parental garden:

The panther paces around The Office.  Think that he is impatient to get out too.  

Am lucky to have a job, I tell myself.  It’s good that am more-or-less well enough to work a couple of days per week.

Suzie is coming to see me this evening and that is good.  Maybe she can help me put a wash on.

Right, am going to put the kettle on and get back to Work.

The attached photo is yesterday’s Spin outfit.  At least my photos are working again…

Happy Monday everyone!
*1933.  By Dorothy L. Sayers.  Lord Peter Wimsey detective novel.

Visiting Hours*

Am watching the swimming that recorded earlier.  Can hear the ticking of the timer which will alert me when my artichoke is ready.  The flat is clean and tidy.  Must keep it this way.

Am feeling pleased with self as have had some successes this week:

  • 1 day at the Office.
  • 5 Spin classes.
  • Made it to my History course.
  • A day and 2 walks with Mr Fluffypants.
  • Saw 4 of my human friends.

Am particularly impressed with self about this last one as when the panther is here, find it very difficult to see other people, apart from the parentals.  He likes to have my full attention trained on him.  Haven’t seen any of my chums for weeks up till this week. And yet, of course, it was good to see them.  

Need to start making some supper.

Photos aren’t attaching again.  Have deleted some but can’t wait forever.  It’s more important to give you something to Read.  Fingers crossed that photos will return tomorrow.

Happy Sunday everyone!
*2015.  By Amy Butcher. True crime memoir.