Slipping some shoes on, I wander outside. Am in my sleepwear, as usual, and it’s cold in the garden. The fluffy monster is stretched out under the swinging bench.
“Hello fluffy,” I say. He stares at me, and then saunters off into the hedge. Manage to snap a photo before he disappears, which you can see at the top of this post.
Am sitting under my furry blanket on the sofa in the parental living room. The panther lies next to me: his huge head resting on my thigh. Stroking his velvety neck, I feel very sad. Am missing Seb a lot and have been crying. It isn’t getting any easier.
On the plus side:
1. Make it to the gym today to lift weights (see attached photo). Am managing 150kg on the leg press, which is almost back up to where I was before my latest lot of surgery (160kg). So that’s good.
2. Wash my self and hair at the gym and put a dress on. This is a good sign as it’s a non-essential wash: washed self a few days ago. So maybe new drug is starting to work…
3. Am doing better with sleeping: have strung together three nights of Better Sleep. Still waking up in the night, but achieving more hours asleep. Need to go to bed straight after supper at the moment, but that’s fine.
4. Make it out to lunch with Mum, which is nice.
5. Can hear the rumble of the radio in the kitchen. Mum is making supper.
6. Looking forward to Spin tomorrow.
7. Maybe will be allowed to cuddle the fluffy monster when he comes in for his supper.
Happy Wednesday everyone!
*1991. By Robert B. Parker. Authorised sequel to The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler. A Philip Marlowe detective novel.