Coming Back To You*

Drugs that am on at the moment:

  1. Venlafaxine: 150mg per day -antidepressant.
  2. Lurasidone: 74mg per day – mood stabiliser.
  3. Letrazole: aromatase inhibitor – to stop the cancer spreading.
  4. Zolodex – to put me into the menopause so can take the letrazole.
  5. Biophosphonates – to seal bones against the cancer.
  6. Fexofenadine – antihistamine for my allergies to house dust, house dust mites and candida.
  7. Phenergen – drowsy antihistamine to aid sleeping.
  8. Clonazepam – for anxiety.
  9. Sodium docusate – for constipation.  Not taking this at the moment due to upset tummy from biophosphonates.
  10. Vitamin C – to fight colds as have very few lymphocytes.

Still attempting to recover from radiotherapy which takes 2 years and it finished less than a year ago.  So it’s no wonder that don’t feel well.

What helps:

  1. Spin.
  2. Weights.
  3. Dogs.
  4. Knitting.
  5. Writing.  So thank you for reading.
  6. New boy ❤.
  7. My Office.
  8. My fluffy monster.
  9. Pokemon Go.
  10. Bright gym leggings.
  11. Instagram.
  12. My family.
  13. Leaving the house sometimes.
  14. Yes, Minister.
  15. Making lists.
  16. Walking, preferably with dogs.

See my fluffy Newfoundland today:

The attached photo is today’s gym outfit.

As you can see I just Keep Buggering On…

Happy Tuesday everyone!
*1984.  Song by Leonard Cohen.  From the album Various Positions.

    Busman’s Honeymoon*

    A bus passes by

    It isn’t mine

    The third bus flashing past

     So far this morning.
    And remembering the day

    When I waited forty minutes

    And no bus came

    I hope today isn’t 

    That day again.

    Cars rush past me

    As I wait at the stop,

    Vans and bikes.

    My bus still 

    Not yet in sight.
    And then I spy it

    And climb aboard.

    Sitting on the top deck

    Window in front of me

    Seats behind me.

    A pair of young men 

    Talking in Bulgarian, I think

    You get all sorts 

    In the bus melting-pot.
    Heavy thuds as someone alights:

    Climb clomp clomp

    Of boots down the stairs.
    The bearded Bulgarians whisper –

    Wonder where they’re going

    “This bus is on diversion” 

    The tannoy announces.
    Voices raised in murmured protest

    For we need to go 

    Where we need to be.
    Bus routes snake across the city –

    Drawn in different coloured ink 

    On the surface of her maps –

    The long-established bus trajectories.
    “Fortune green road” 

    The announcer says.
    The bus screeches to a halt

    At a red light,

    Rumbles.  Air expelled 

    From tyres as it brakes.

    The bus drops towards the ground,

    Then rises to move again –

    Rumble, rattle, squeak

    The ancient sounds of motion.

    Watching the city beneath me

    As we traverse her.

    We pass St Andrew’s Church –

    Sandstone I think – yellow, gothic

    Green copper-covered steeple 

    Pointing towards heaven.
    Stopping again, 

    Heavy doors puff open

    Then close, the bus wobbles

    And rumbles down the tarmac

    Heavy, insistent –

    Treading the well-worn lines

    Traced over the city

    By generations of its ancestors.
    And before them, trams:

    The ghosts of tram wires

    Appear in the sky

    As I look up.
    For thousands of years 

    People have moved about my city

    Before trams: horses, traps, flies

    And before that even

    Shanks pony: walking across 

    The spaces between

    Medieval hamlets, villages.

    Crossing fields 

    Long before this vast conurbation

    Came into being.
    The traffic’s slow today –

    A line of red stop lights 

    On cars before us.

    The bus crawls down the road:

    Rumble, squeak.
    I’m running late 

    Of course –

    Bad tummy.
    But this poem 

    Is not about that.

    It’s about buses, travel

    Traversing the city

    And the past which marks her

    As it marks us all:


    We are the slaves of history.
    Happy Monday everyone!
    *1937.  By Dorothy L. Sayers.  The eleventh Lord Peter Wimsey novel.  Murder mystery.  Golden age detective fiction novel.

    Getting Better*

    Things are definitely improving, I think as I struggle up the hill with Mr Fluffypants trotting along beside me:

    1. Against all the odds and despite all my problems, have a lovely New Boy.
    2. Still have Mr Fluffypants in my life.
    3. Plus two more dog clients: the flat-coated Retriever and the Newfoundland.
    4. Have started the biophosphonates.
    5. Have lost most of the cancer weight since stopping drinking.
    6. Am Still Not Drinking after five months.
    7. Which is cause for celebration.
    8. Can fit back into my size eight / twenty six inch waist clothes.
    9. Although am still about ten pounds over my pre-cancer weight.
    10. Some of it must be muscle.

    Anyway, take Mr Fluffypants for a walk today:

    Then meet my cousin for lunch and then watch T2 Trainspotting which is good but spend half of it on the loo due to upset tummy from the biophosphonates.

    Have the Roger vs Rafa match to watch when I have my supper – probably scrambled eggs.

    Happy Sunday everyone!
    *1967.  Song by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.  Appears on the 1967 Beatles album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Cub Band.

    In Dog We Trust*

    It’s 6.10pm.  Am in bed at the flat having a small rest before my boy arrives at 8.30pm.  Very tired and tummy is still upset from the biophosphonates.  It’s clean and tidy here: my cleaner has been.

    Achievements Of The Day:

    1. Push self hard at Spin – see attached photo.  Here is graph:
    2. Wash self and hair.
    3. Cuddle my fluffy monster.
    4. Message the owner of New Dog Client!  He’s a gorgeous dark brown flat-coated Retriever like this one:
    5. My one is more gorgeous than these ones though.  So excited about walking him.  The owner says the breed has some Newfoundland in it…
    6. Finally at the age of 37 and a half have the correct colour concealer: 00 rather than 01 Body Shop concealer.  It’s paler and pinker and actually matches my skin.  It makes such a difference!  Amazing!
    7. See Dr Stein earlier and he’s pleased with my mood.  So that’s good.

    Right had better get ready for my young man.

    Happy Saturday everyone!
    *2010.  By Neil S. Plakcy.  A Golden Retriever mystery Book 1 starring a detective Steve Levitan who is an English professor and a Golden Retriever called Rochester.  Set in Stewart’s Crossing.

    Drop Shot*

    It’s not all doom and gloom in these dark times:

    1. Here is the fluffy monster in a box:
    2. Black smudge on his face is oil from sitting under a car.  Bad pussy.  But he’s safe and sleeping behind the sofa now.
    3. In terms of life’s most enjoyable spectator sport – tennis – we’ve got a Venus vs Serena final and a Roger vs Rafa final to savour at the Australian Open over the weekend.  Yay.
    4. Have just watched Roger’s semi-final victory over Stan – brilliant.
    5. Now watching Rafa outfoxing the 25 year old Grigor Dimitrov.  Wonderful.
    6. Push self hard at Spin, whilst wearing my Onzie outfit (see attached photo).  It’s the New York skyline.
    7. Have achieved bath.
    8. And some knitting.
    9. And the RSPB Great Garden Birdwatch:
    10. Visit: 
    11. To claim your Birdwatch pack.  There’s still time to register: the Birdwatch happens this weekend…
    12. Due to severely upset tummy, have split my biophosphonate dose in half and take 2 pills when I wake up and two between lunch and supper.  Tummy is still unhappy but it’s not as bad as it was yesterday.
    13. My Spin chum is back from her house move and she drops me at the Bookshop after class.
    14. Finally have evolved my Charizard:
    15. Isn’t he amazing?
    16. Had to walk around with Charmelon for ages to get him.
    17. Rafa and Roger are both sporting the same fluorescent orange Nike trainers as me!
    18. Seeing my boy tomorrow for our fourth date!  Can’t wait to see him.  Adore that boy.  Am so lucky to have found him in the street.
    19. Read a magazine this afternoon for the first time in ages.  Am exhausted and not feeling well so am being kind to self.
    20. Meet a gorgeous brown flat-coated Retriever this morning at the farm.  Maybe will be allowed to walk him.  Have given his owner my number anyway.

    Happy Saturday everyone!
    *1996.  By Harlan Coben.  The second Myron Bolitar novel.  Murder mystery novel set during the US Open…

    Last Year’s Man*

    Waiting in a temperature of minus three degrees for the train into town.  On way to a talk about Leonard Cohen with a reception put on by the Québécois assembly. Excited but cold in my fingerless cat paw gloves.

    Push self hard at Spin this morning (see attached photo).  Here is graph:

    Someone has had enough of the cold weather and is sleeping on the sofa:

    It is warm in the station waiting room but exposed fingers are still cold.  It’s exciting to be going Out though – unless freeze to death that is.

    Achievements Of The Day:

    1. Wake up at seven o’clock this morning to take pills.
    2. Get up at eight to have breakfast.
    3. Dress in double-leopard outfit.
    4. Push self hard at Spin.
    5. Have coffee in the Bookshop.
    6. Continue with knitting.
    7. Wash self and hair.
    8. Dress in jeans and top for Going Out.
    9. Cuddle the fluffy monster who has black stuff all over his face from being under a car.

    Happy Thursday everyone!
    *1971.  Song by Leonard Cohen from the album Songs Of Love And Hate.

    Love Calls You By Your Name*

    Have another date secured with my new boy for Saturday night.  Yay.  Love has not finished with me quite yet it seems.  Feel amazingly blessed to have this new boy in my life.  He’s adorable. So thank you to G-d for him and please please please let me keep him…

    Today make it to the Natural History Museum with Mum.  Here are some photos:

    Sophie the Stegosaurus – one of the most complete stegosaurus skeletons ever discovered:

    Some velociraptors fighting.  Look how feathery they are ❤:

    A megatherium (extinct giant sloth):

    Love these ones so much.  Wish they weren’t extinct.

    A mastodon (I think).  Some extinct elephant relative anyway.

    An arsinoitherium – extinct relative of the rhinoceros:

    Anyway – we have fun at the museum.  We also see the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition.  Can’t put photos in here due to copyright reasons of course.  Recommend the exhibition.  Book it here:

    Now am in bed at the parental home under my furry blanket with the heating turned up to eleven.  Am listening to Leonard Cohen’s Songs Of Love And Hate and drinking tea.

    This person is here:

    Have missed him all week but he’s somewhere else in the house at the moment.  As soon as have posted this will go and find him and cuddle him all over.

    Have a new stegosaurus of my own from the museum.  He’s called Steve.  Show you:

    Unlike Sophie, he’s very soft for cuddles.  He also has a linseed pouch inside him which can be heated in the microwave so he’s a hot water bottle too!

    Happy Wednesday everyone!
    *1971.  Song by Leonard Cohen from the 1971 album Songs Of Love And Hate.

    Apple Tree Yard*

    Have had a Bad Seb Day today: the first one for a while.  Maybe it’s the fact that Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and what would be our second anniversary on February 20th. 

    Also in recent weeks Tuesday has been my day with Mr Fluffypants and now I don’t have my Tuesdays with him anymore since his owner had started working from home.  This is of course good for Mr Fluffypants and for his owner who has long been attempting to arrange his life so he can work from home and be with his own pooch all day.  It’s difficult for me though.  Miss that fluffy person so much.

    Love my Newfoundland client but am still just getting to know her.  She’s not a close friend in the way that Mr Fluffypants is.  She rugby-tackles me from behind this morning which of course she’s not meant to do.  Am meant to turn my back to her and fold my arms if she jumps up but that’s easier said than done with about fifteen stone of giant dog hurling themselves on top of you.  An excited Newfoundland is quite a powerful force!

    We have a nice walk though in the sunshine: we’re lucky with the weather – no fog and bright sunshine.

    Here are some photos.  She is getting better at posing with me:

    Arrive home feeling sad about Seb and exhausted as walk all the way to the pooch’s house (seventy five minutes) as well as an hour walking with her.

    Watch Roger playing Mischa Zverev and am calmed almost instantly by witnessing the well-oiled Federer machine in action.  Treasure every time we get to watch him.  He makes tennis into an art with every stroke, every placement of the ball, every smooth movement of his body.  We’re so lucky to be able to observe him – still – surely – close to the height of his powers after all these years.  Fingers crossed for another Australian Open title for him.

    Watch Trainspotting this morning to remind self of it in preparation for the sequel and it’s still good: has lasted well.  The acting is superb and the script very tight and funny: it doesn’t seem to clank or to show its age.  Saw it when it came out in 1997 but haven’t seen it in the intervening twenty years.  Am excited to see the new one – not least because it’s being produced by an old school friend!

    The attached photo is an up to date one of my knitting.  Do some in front of last night’s Winterwatch this morning.  Also catch up on episode one of Apple Tree Yard which am enjoying.  Emily Watson is as watchable as always as a middle-aged scientist having an affair.  It’s had mixed reviews but am definitely sticking with it.

    Happy Tuesday everyone!
    *2013.  Murder mystery novel by Louise Doughty.  Adapted for television in 2017 by Louise Doughty and Amanda Coe.  Directed by Jessica Hobbs.  Starring Wendy Albiston, Greg Bennett, Kezia Burrows and Jack Hamilton.  We haven’t met any of those characters yet in Episode 1, which deals with Emily Watson becoming embroiled in an affair with Ben Chaplin…

    In The Fog*

    Have had a frustrating day: had to wait for the bus for twenty minutes in the freezing fog this morning and then later had to spend an hour in the bank on business.

    On the plus side:

    1. Do some Important Work.
    2. And some knitting on the bus.
    3. Catch a Lapras in the wild.  Show you him:
    4. Make it home.
    5. Now am watching Jo Konta’s match which already know that she’s won.  She plays Serena next which will be exciting.
    6. Winterwatch starts tonight so will record it as it’s not till eight o’clock.
    7. Am going to bed straight after watching this match.
    8. Tomorrow have my trainer and my Newfoundland client.
    9. Need to unload the washing machine and hang up the clothes on the airer.
    10. Have terrible tummy ache.
    11. As well as being a cracking player, Jo is so lovely – she just said “it’s an incredible honour to get to play Serena.”
    12. Looking forward to cuddling my giant dog chum tomorrow.  Will miss Mr Fluffypants though.
    13. And to lifting some Heavy Weights.
    14. And to having a restful morning: training isn’t till midday.
    15. Here are some trees in the fog and resting rooks this morning:
    16. The attached photo is a Buick that was parked near The Office when was on my lunch break.
    17. Am going to bed to knit and to listen to Leonard Cohen.

    Happy Monday everyone!
    *2015.  By John Meany.  Murder mystery novel set in Oregon.

    You Have Loved Enough*

    Am collapsed in bed at the flat at 6.44pm, listening to Leonard Cohen’s Ten New Songs. Am upset that Andy Murray is out of the Australian Open: beaten by Sascha Zverev’s big brother Mischa.  

    Here is a photo of Sascha to cheer ourselves up:

    His big brother is not so pretty but is a jolly good player.  Have a special love for Sascha as saw him at the O2 centre winning an award for being the best junior a couple of years ago – that time that Mum met Pat Cash.  

    Dan Evans also lost, to Tsonga, but that was probably to be expected.

    It’s been a busy but fun day.  Gym first:

    Have put my triceps weight up to 35kg so am pleased about that.  Gym outfit also appears in the attached photo.  The mermaid leggings are by Lotus Leggings.

    Then quick lunch: scrambled eggs with porridge oats, spinach and feta.

    Then meet a couple of friends and FOUR dogs.  Show you:

    The brown and white one is a big boy now – not quite sure how old he is – and the black and white ones are five month old puppies.  Aren’t they gorgeous?

    Fourth dog not pictured sadly.  He worried us when he disappeared for ages but he came back.  Captured him but fell over in the mud in the process so need to wash volcano leggings.

    Was nice to have Something-To-Do-On-A-Sunday with friends.  Most of them are busy with their husbands and children all weekend.  Had fun, although find it amusing that on supposed day-off from Dogwalking, am still walking around with a dog and poo bags.  Love dogs obviously.  Was great to see them and my chums and was sunny so pleasant walking weather, although very cold.

    The spaniels met another one of their people, look:

    In tragic news, Mr Fluffypants’ owner has started working from home so won’t be looking after my favourite person on a Tuesday anymore.  Hope that will sometimes get to walk him on weekends.  Love that pooch so much.  Have been very upset, but at the same time happy for his owner who has long wanted to work from home and to be with Mr Fluffypants all day.  

    Would like own life to contain own dog.  Need a proper house first…

    Knitting got into a bit of a mess when the original Sixty stitches became A Hundred.  Have sorted it out now by knitting some stitches together but the scarf (or future scarf) has a bulge where there were too many stitches for a while.  It won’t matter in the end, hopefully.

    Suppose had better think about supper and prepare self for The Office tomorrow.

    Also need to find out when and where Jackie is playing as am meant to be seeing it with Hannah…

    Happy Sunday everyone!
    *2001.  Song by Leonard Cohen.  From the 2001 album Ten New Songs.