There’s a new boy in my life
He’s only twenty three –
One wonders what he wants
With someone as old as me.
And all my insecurities
Come rushing in:
Does he really like me,
How can he even like me –
I’m too old and ill and mental,
He’s got his whole life ahead of him.
He can earn a living
Singing and playing his guitar:
His first single’s out this week –
He’s so good at what he does.
And is it my disorder
That fills me with such doubt
Or is it all the knocks I’ve had
From Seb and countless others –
Nightmares in their different ways.
I’ve made such a mess of love –
But I can’t do without it.
Male attention is my favourite drug,
And you know how I like them young.
He’s got floppy hair,
An innocent face,
A winning smile.
He’s intense with an artistic temperament:
Takes himself so seriously
As young men do.
He’s malleable and graceful,
Enthusiastic and sweet.
I can’t believe that I’ve got another chance
To make someone happy –
Please let me not fuck it up this time:
I deserve a bit of good luck
Although we know it doesn’t work like that.
He’s coming to see me this evening –
Maybe I’ll even wash my hair,
Put on a dress, heels and make up
Cover my anxiety with glitter eyeliner and lipstick.
And he’ll never know how scared I am
That it’ll all end in tears
Like it always bloody does.
The attached photo is today’s Spin outfit.
Here is graph. Forgot to take monitor off for ages after the end of Spin. The green and yellow is in the actual class: