Final Exam*

It’s been all of two days of revision for my Pilates Instructor Course theory exams and it’s already driving me mad. The Heart And Circulatory Systems and The Musculoskeletal System make some sense, although there’s a lot to learn, some of it complicated, but I have no idea how I’m going to remember all the muscles of the body, where they attach and what they do. Have made a start on The Muscles Of The Shoulder Joint, Shoulder Girdle and Rotator Cuff Muscles.

Also, my breathing isn’t good. Went up a couple of small inclines with Dolly and struggled to breathe. So am very concerned that the cancer is growing in my lungs. Will find out at seven o’clock tomorrow evening. Thoughts and prayers welcome.

Am lying on my bed. The panther lies on the bed next to me, resting his head on my back. He is very heavy.

Walk Dolly this morning. She’s so pleased to see me and rugby tackles me a couple of times which she’s not allowed to do. Here she is:

And here we are together:

This ceanothus lives near Dolly:

It’s a warm sunny day and we end up taking off our sweaters. The ground is cracked and dry: presumably there’s been no rain for weeks.

I’m not sure whether my health anxiety is massively increased by the presence of the panther. Am wondering whether maybe there is a psychological component to my breathing issues. Let’s hope so. Of course, if I turn out to be dying there is no point in stressing about the muscles of the shoulder girdle. Maybe anxiety about my exam is making me worry so much about my breathing. All will be revealed in Thursday’s blog anyway.

Fluffball has come in so am going to find him and cuddle him. Also need bath.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

*2009. By Maggie Barbieri. A Murder 101 mystery novel, Book 4. Set in New York City.

The Spy Who Loved*

Achievements Of The Day:

  1. Go to gym – despite Really Not Feeling Like It and do four sets of all my weights:
  2. Revise The Heart And Circulatory Systems.
  3. Walk to Golders Green to meet a friend at Likya. Haven’t seen her for Years – where does the time go. We used to work together. We resolve to meet more often in future – it’s so good to see her.
  4. Walk home.
  5. Revise The Musculoskeletal System. Need to do more work on this. There is so much Anatomy And Physiology to learn.
  6. Clean contact lenses.
  7. Walk to Golders Green station.
  8. Am waiting for train. Going to the House Of Lords to hear my friend the biographer Clare Mulley talking about Christina Granville the spy for Polish Heritage Week? Month? Polish Heritage Something. Christina was Polish.
  9. Am tired but pleased with self for not letting the panther stop me doing my activities. He lies on the floor at my feet, head resting on his front paws.
  10. Have arrived at the House Of Lords. Of course am the first one here. Am not allowed to take photos in here but it’s all Very Grand. Looking forward to my talk now. Very pleased with self for making it here despite the panther’s best efforts to stop me leaving the house.

Happy Monday everyone!

*2012. By Clare Mulley. Biography.

The Spa Decameron*

Wake up with the panther lying across my legs. Mum brings Fluffball in to see me and we have a cuddle. The panther watches us from the floor – he hates Fluffball. I love my Fluffball so much and he is gifted at cuddles: he’s the most precious angel in the world.

Work hard at Spin and actually get up into the yellow zone for a few minutes which I can’t normally do when the panther is here. It’s The Master’s class. Here we are:

Meet some of the London Ladies from the Goddess Collective for lunch at Greenberry in Primrose Hill – we have a lovely time. It is so great to make new friends. Am so grateful for the Goddess Collective. Here we are:

My cousin comes round and I teach her some Pilates. I love teaching Pilates. We manage a lot of movements and I give her the scarf that I’ve knitted for my little cousin which she likes.

My trainer has cancelled me tomorrow so will just go to the gym and lift some weights.

Suzy is coming to see me this evening. Have missed a couple of weeks of Victoria and The Durrells so will probably start catching up on them.

I don’t want to revise Anatomy And Physiology – I want to read The Spa Decameron which arrives today but I must make some progress with my revision first. It’s a lovely big, fat book. Excited to read it:

My new leg weights also arrive today. Old ones have developed holes and the gravel has come out. Is good to have new ones.

Need to unpack suitcase but think that can wait till tomorrow. Will unload dishwasher now.

Happy Sunday everyone!

*2007. By Fay Weldon. Women’s fiction novel.

Bloom And Doom*

Dr Stein my psychiatrist is encouraged that mood hasn’t gone terribly low. He wants me to stop worrying about my scan results but that is easier said than done.

There is a stand-in teacher for Barre and she is a bit shouty and over-critical. Feel tearful and don’t enjoy the class. Here I am:

Have lunch and a sleep. Wake up and read through my Pilates Instructor Course Anatomy And Physiology. There is so much to learn it seems an impossible task. But I will just Keep Buggering On.

Agent Orange’s owners cancel me today so I have an extra day with Fluffball. We have had some good cuddles today. Now he’s on his pink chair:

Am writing this on the sofa. The parentals are reading the newspaper. The panther lies on my legs, chin resting on his front paws. He is dozing. Every so often an ear or the tip of his tail twitches.

Have booked the Hilton in Canary Wharf for two nights 28th and 29th June for the Self Love Summit – a Mel Wells one day retreat. Other goddesses are staying at the Hilton. Am looking forward to it. Must keep making plans and having things to which to look forward.

Please let the panther leave me alone soon.

On the plus side: Gardeners’ World is now an hour rather than thirty minutes so that’s good and we’re having spaghetti tonight to celebrate the end of Passover.

Happy Saturday everyone!

*2014. By Beverley Allen. A Bridal Bouquet Shop mystery, Book 1, starring Audrey Bloom.

The Trouble With Tulip*

Waking up, there’s a weight on my chest. Opening my eyes I see the panther lying on top of me, one huge paw resting on my face.

“You’re not meant to be here,” I say, trying to sit up. He stretches out, pinning my legs to the bed.

“On the contrary, I’m many days late,” He says. “You must have been expecting…”

“No,” I say. “Really I wasn’t.” And it’s true – I wasn’t. I though he was gone for good. Now he’s back it’s as if he’d never been away, I think, struggling to sit up.

“You missed me,” He says, licking his paw, wiping the side of his face.

“I didn’t,” I say. “I thought I’d…oh never mind.”

Resistance of course is futile, I realise, lying back down. The panther shifts his weight so that he’s lying across my legs and starts cleaning his flank, rasping his fur with his sandpaper tongue.

Over the last few days I’ve caught glimpses of a tail swishing, a paw disappearing into the shadows, even seen a line of paw prints. But after eight and a half months without him, I’m still caught by surprise to see him, as I am every time.

“So, where have you been?” I say, looking at him.

“Here and there,” He says, fixing my gaze with his amber eyes. “I think I’ll stay around for a while now though.”

Closing my eyes, I let my head rest on the pillow. Resistance is futile.

So, this morning, work hard at Spin but the panther lies on the floor, pulling my legs down, and I can’t make it into the yellow zone. Here I am with The Boss:

Teach Swimming at Pilates and it goes well and teacher is pleased with me. The panther lies on top of the Pilates balls – he has a good view from there. Am pleased that he doesn’t stop me from teaching. My teacher and friends are very kind to me when I tell them about him and say that they’re here for me, which is nice. Here I am with my chum:

Mum’s tulips are all out now:

Am really glad that we haven’t missed them. They’re beautiful.

Fluffball is in now. The panther keeps away from him, which is good.

Mum’s friend comes round for lunch and then I have a long sleep.

Wake up and visit doctor for my Zoladex. She takes my oxygen saturation and it’s 99% so that’s very good.

Need to have bath.

Have cuddled my Fluffball.

Happy Friday everyone!

*2005. By Mindy Starns Clark. A Smart Chick mystery, Book 1. Set in

Tooth And Nail*

First Spin class for almost two weeks and struggle to get into the green zone, which isn’t good and is usually a sign that mood has dropped.

Have some symptoms of depression: a feeling of heaviness and a disinclination to speak.

Fulvestrant injections in bottom and Denosumab injection in tummy. Then home for quick sleep.

Wake up feeling better, but I’m not feeling quite right. Am hoping that it’s just anxiety about scan results and not the start of a long depression. If it is, mood hasn’t sunk too low, which is good.

Attend beautician for new gel nails. Show you:

Will keep you posted on developments with mood. If this is as low as it sinks, can manage. Really can’t afford to be depressed at the moment – have so many fun plans.

Just have to Keep Buggering On with my activities. Teaching Swimming in Pilates tomorrow.

Revise The Heart And Circulatory Systems but still can’t remember it. Am a bit worried about Pilates Theory exam.

Right am going to find Fluffball and cuddle him.

Happy Thursday everyone!

*1992. By Ian Rankin. An Inspector Rebus novel, Book 3. Set in London.

Lone Wolf*

Walk Gandalf this morning and cuddle him in his house. It is sunny. Here’s my precious boy:

Then do just half of Barre as I have my scan. My teacher and chums are pleased to see me. Here I am with my teacher:

It’s good to be back at Barre. Manage warm up and legs which is most important part.

Mum takes me to cancer hospital for blood tests and so they can put a gripper on the port. We arrive at other hospital forty minutes early and they fit me in. Scan is fine.

Back to cancer hospital to have gripper removed from port. Feel flat and very tired – don’t sleep that well last night.

Have lunch and afternoon sleep.

Do about ninety minutes of Pilates Instructor Course theory revision. Feel better now have started this although am still anxious about scan results. Won’t find out results until see oncologist in Wednesday so must try to stop worrying about it.

Mum helps me unpack case a bit; put swimwear away and a couple of dresses. Most of the contents of case are returning to flat with me on Sunday.

Will have a bath soon.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Fluffball is in for the evening now. Am going to find him and cuddle him.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

*2016. By Sara Driscoll. The first in a series of murder mystery novels starring FBI Special Agent Meg Jennings and her search-and-rescue Labrador Hawk. Set in Washington, DC.

The Adventure Of Wisteria Lodge*

We don’t arrive home till 11.30pm last night so cancel this morning’s Spin. Strap my leg weights on when I wake up.

Accompany Mum to pick up Fluffball from the cattery.

“Fluffball,” Mum calls out as we walk down the corridor towards him. He can’t see us but he can hear and recognise Mum’s voice as there’s an answering miaow. When we arrive at his luxury penthouse flat he is standing at the gate yelling. He’s so clever.

He’s chatty in the car on the way home and leaps out of his carrier in his bedroom and strides down to the back door – running outside.

Then we drive to Dolly’s house. She’s so pleased to see us. Give her lots of kisses and cuddles. She’s definitely perked up a bit since her owner’s death.

Here is my beautiful girl:

Here we are together:

Book Greenberry cafe in Primrose Hill for the Goddess Collective meet-up on Sunday, so am glad that’s done.

We see these delights near Dolly’s house:

Notice that my breathing isn’t great on Primrose Hill whilst walking Dolly. We stop at the farm on the way home to purchase vegetables and there are some very new calves:

Speak to psychiatrist when I arrive home who says I must see the doctor immediately to have breathing checked.

Have lunch and a sleep. Start revising a bit of my Pilates theory – even though really don’t feel like it, so well done me.

Doctor thinks breathing doesn’t sound too bad: “there’s some dullness in your left side but that could be due to the pleurodesis,” He says. “I think you need to ask your oncologist about it.”

He measures my oxygen saturation which seems to have gone up to 98 from 87 a few weeks ago. So one of the readings must be wrong.

Scan tomorrow. Am worried that it will find an increase of fluid and therefore cancer in the lungs.

It will be Spinach And Mushroom Bottomless Quiche for supper with English Asparagus yay.

First must have bath though. Fluffball is lying under my windowsill purring now. Love him to bits:

Happy Tuesday everyone!

*1908. By Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Sherlock Holmes Detective short story published in His Last Bow.

Death In The Clouds*

Finally at the airport having a coffee. Looking forward to being at home with my Fluffball. Mum will pick him up from the cattery tomorrow whilst I’m at Spin and as soon as I see him I will cuddle him all over. Then we’ll walk darling Dolly and then suppose will unpack.

Our guests stay till past eleven o’clock last night which is a late night for me. Sleep in until about 9.15am today and then walk to the gym for the last time. Here I am:

Do four sets of all my weights and add some kettlebell Sumo squats and some TRX pull ups.

Brother picks me up after the gym and we go to Cafe Louise for lunch. Have a feta salad. As usual can only eat a small bit of it and brother takes it home.

Oh am looking forward to putting my leg weights on tomorrow and Spin, Barre Pilates and training, as well as walking the dogs.

It’s really good that am looking forward to returning to my life but also must now focus on studying for my Pilates theory exam. Will open my notebooks tomorrow and get started. There’s so much to learn.

Look at last night’s sunset:

We are three hours early for our flight but it takes an hour to check in and make it through security. It’s 5.09pm now and am tired as have missed my afternoon sleep. Maybe will sleep on the plane. Hope so.

Can’t wait to kiss and cuddle my Dolly tomorrow.

Hope you’ve all had a good Easter.

Happy Monday everyone!

*1935. By Agatha Christie. Hercules Poirot detective novel.

Easter Bunny Murder*

Work really hard at training at the gym. We do triceps dips (pictured), sumo squats with kettlebell, ten step ups on each leg then change with kettlebell. In terms of abs: pull knees in on mini skateboard, climb up and down from hands to elbows. And lots of other exercises that can’t now remember.

Trainer is pleased with me. Am sad that we’ve had our last session now. Will see her when she’s in London end of June/ start of July.

Last night we go to the Thai restaurant in the port and have red curry with tofu:

See this on Facebook and think it’s funny:

Fluffball is having a good holiday and the cattery posts these pictures of him on their page:

People have written next to him “what a handsome boy.” It’s good that people recognise the aesthetic superiority of the Fluffball.

Before my sleep this afternoon I listen to a Persia Lawson talk about finding one’s soulmate which is good. Persia is a love coach and motivational speaker:

Found her through an interview she did with Melissa Wells on the Goddess Collective website.

Mum is making supper: my brother’s friends are coming round later.

A good thing: have realised for the first time ever on a holiday that am looking forward to returning home and back to my life. Have never felt this before – this is major progress. Am so happy about this!

Happy Easter Sunday everyone!

*2013. By Leslie Meier. A Lucy Stone mystery novel, Book 19.