The Inner Fix*

Have an amazing day at the Self Love Summit yesterday. Here we are at drinks at the Hilton on Friday night:

Wake up at seven o’clock yesterday morning so can have hotel breakfast before the event. Then we walk there from the hotel.

Here is beautiful, wonderful Mel Wells talking:

We learn a special Goddess dance with Zoe McNulty from the School of Strut.

Persia Lawson gives a hilarious talk.

Ben Bidwell – The Naked Professor – talks about Masculinity and Self Love which is fascinating. He is my favourite.

Then go with some of the Goddesses for drinks at The Parlour. Here we are:

Have such a lovely time with my chums.

One of the speakers (can’t remember which one) tells us to have a Good News friend to exchange pieces of Good News with, so we have set up a Good News Goddesses WhatsApp group.

Manage to stay awake All Day yesterday and we’re out till eight o’clock last night.

Have a good night of sleep at my hotel last night and then go to the hotel gym this morning. If there is a gym, I will find it:

Arrive back at the flat to No Sofa. The Nest has gone. New sofa arrives tomorrow but for the moment have to lie on a Pilates mat on the floor to watch my television. There is a programme about Wimbledon Rivalries as Wimbledon starts tomorrow! At last!

Am lying in bed writing this as I have no sofa. The panther lies next to me, resting his head on my shoulder. My shoulder hurts because of too many Side Bends in Pilates on Friday.

Happy Sunday everyone!

*2016. By Persia Lawson and Joey Bradford. Self help book.

The Mystery Of The Blue Train*

It’s 6.22pm and I’m on a Jubilee Line train on the way to the Canary Wharf Hilton where am staying for two nights. It’s the Self Love Summit tomorrow. Meeting some of the Goddesses for drinks at 7.30pm.

Am wearing a navy dress that I thought I’d lost and I really meant to wash hair but it didn’t happen. Let’s see how long we’ve got before train goes underground.

Work hard at Spin. Here I am with The Boss:

Teach The Side Bend in Pilates and it goes well and my teacher is pleased with me. Here we are:

Mum and her friend pick me up. We sit in the garden. Have lunch in the garden then sleep.

Am lucky enough to steal a cuddle with Fluffball before I leave the house.

The panther lies on the floor at my feet.

It’s hot on the train but I mustn’t lose my navy cashmere cardigan because it’s the only one I have for the whole weekend.

It’s too hot for make up. Some people are wearing coats but I’m having a hot flush.

Argh the weather says it’s going to be 33 degrees tomorrow. Hope there is air conditioning at the venue.

Happy Friday everyone!

*1928. By Agatha Christie. Hercules Poirot detective novel.

Dog Is In The Details*

Just spend ages looking for this photo. Am going to be allowed to borrow this gorgeous boy for my Dog Grooming Workshop next Saturday so that’s exciting. This is an old photo – he’s an adult Golden Retriever now.

His owner is one of my Spin and Barre chums and see her today at Spin. And she is going to let me borrow him for two whole hours so let’s hope he enjoys being groomed for all that time.

Work hard at Spin. Here I am with The Master:

That is not the world’s best photo but never mind.

Dad takes me out for lunch which is nice but we’re in a rush as I’ve forgotten my nail appointment at two o’clock. Here are new nails:

Come back and have a lovely long sleep.

Find a navy dress that I was convinced I’d lost so that’s good. Catch Fluffball in – well he comes in and then we shut all the doors and windows. Here he is:

He is the best boy in the world and certainly the fluffiest and the most orange. I love him to distraction.

We are watching Angelique Kerber and Simona Halep from earlier today. Angie is playing much better which bodes well for her Wimbledon title defence. I’m very fond of her.

Mum has been at Hurlingham watching the veterans all day so hopefully she’s had a good day.

Have to teach The Side Bend tomorrow which is a particularly difficult move, so am going to need to experiment on the parentals. It hurts my shoulder but I need to be able to do it.

The panther sits next to me on the grey sofa.

“Your arms are so fat. You’re disgusting,” He says, staring at me.

“They’re not,” I say. “It’s my lymphoedema. My arms aren’t actually fat. They’re just swollen because…actually I don’t see why I have to explain everything to you.”

Happy Thursday everyone!

*2017. By Neil S. Plakcy. Book 8 in the Golden Retriever Murder mystery series.

Killing Eve*

Gandalf is on new painkillers so he can walk for a whole hour again now, which is good. It’s not like walking Dolly – Gandalf pulls quite a lot on the lead and keeps up a cracking pace whereas Dolly ambles along because she’s a bear. Also she has a special harness that stops her pulling whereas Gandalf just has a collar and lead. I mean, he does have a harness in his house but apparently he doesn’t like wearing it.

Anyway – I miss the cuddling-him-for-thirty-minutes-in-his-house bit of the walk because he’s so good at cuddles. He’s my best boy and I love him so much.

In tragic news: The Master is retiring and moving away. Am going to miss him so much. See him before Barre and we have a hug and tell him how much am going to miss him. Hope he will enjoy his retirement.

My best Barre chum has moved to Paris now. Here I am at Barre:

Work hard and then have a bath and lunch and a sleep.

Wake up and now we are watching the tennis from Eastbourne – well we will be when they Stop Talking. They have just shown us a photo of Roger on the grass at Wimbledon with the title Back. So, life is cruel but it’s the grass court tennis season, Wimbledon starts on Monday and Roger’s back. Found it for you:

Doesn’t he look Wonderful.

Now Simona Halep is playing someone. Mum has wandered off. Fluffball is having supper.

“Fluffball has disappeared again,” Mum says. He tends to do this in the house and then we have to wander around the whole house, looking in every tiny space and wondering if he can possibly have got out again when all the doors and windows are closed.

Mum finds him in my brother’s bed. Here he is:

Am sitting with the panther on the grey sofa. Am feeling a small bit better today. Maybe that is because Barre is the one thing that is able to cheer me up. Or because I had a particularly good afternoon sleep.

Also both parents are going to be out this evening so I can watch Killing Eve with Fluffball. We love Killing Eve.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

*2018. TV series about a serial killer. You know who’s in it and what it’s about but now in Series Two we have a new writer – Emerald Fennell.

Walking Into Murder*

Walk Dolly with Mum. Here we are:

Can’t breathe when we walk uphill but the doctors say there is nothing wrong. There is definitely something wrong, even if the doctors don’t know what.

Have a really lovely walk and give Dolly lots of kisses and cuddles. Used to enjoy walking but now it’s difficult and stressful with my breathing problems. Have to keep stopping. On the plus side: love my Dolly so much. See an article online about a Therapy Newfie and I have my own Therapy Newfie. Am very lucky.

Then we have to go to Brent Cross for Mum’s hearing aid appointment at Boots. We have Marks and Spencer sandwiches for lunch.

Come home and have a sleep. Watch the Men’s Singles Final from Queens on Sunday and now we are about to watch the Doubles Final. Dad is going out.

Am still not feeling well. Have a sore throat and various other infections. Am lying under my furry blanket. The panther lies next to me, resting his heavy head in my lap.

Fluffball is still out. Hope to see him later.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

*2010. By Joan Dahr Lambert. Murder mystery novel.

Scaredy Cat*

Don’t wake up till 10.20am. Miss afternoon sleep on Saturday and Sunday and that is just Too Much for me.

Mum picks me up before lunchtime. Cancel Personal Training sadly.

White blood cell count is low and have various infections. Sleep all afternoon.

When the fluffy monster comes in he visits me. You can see him in the above photo.

Record the tennis at Eastbourne. Dad has chess tonight and hopefully Mum has recorded at least some of Andy and Feliciano’s match yesterday at Queens – which we know that they won.

Only real achievement today is bath just now. Am not well enough to be at the flat at the moment and am sad about this but at least am safe here with parents and the fluffy monster. Tomorrow will see Dolly and that will cheer me up a bit.

Happy Monday everyone!

*2000. By Mark Billingham. Murder mystery novel.

Chelsea Hotel #2*

The unglamorous reality of life with a mental disorder:

Take a cab to the gym because I can’t walk because of my breathing. Take my hair-washing stuff to the gym but of course don’t actually wash hair as my anxiety makes me think that I’m running late whereas of course I’m running early as usual. Get another cab to the station.

Arrive at the Southbank Centre ninety minutes early to meet my friend and go up some steps to have a coffee and of course I can’t breathe because steps are uphill but I have a Diet Coke and then go to the loo several times because I forget my bladder pill this morning.

We see the Leonard Cohen tribute thing and it’s not that good and everyone in the world is at the Southbank and it’s hot and I’m wearing the Joseph Ribkoff dress that I wore yesterday to see my aunt and a cashmere cardigan and no-one has unloaded the dishwasher and no-one has unpacked my case and I tell my friend how worried I am about antisemitism in the Labour Party and Brexit and what if something happens to the fluffy monster. Cry at my friend twice.

Have to buy a deodorant at Boots at Waterloo because I think I leave my deodorant at the gym this morning but when I arrive home it’s sitting on my bedside table.

Have to go on the underground twice and it’s disgusting. I don’t know why someone can’t do something about it but maybe it’s a menopausal thing: I get hot flushes on the underground and maybe it in itself is not that bad. I used to love walking but now I can’t breathe.

Speak to Mum on my walk home from the station and she tells me to have some supper so I’m going to do that. And she offers to pick me up but I’m fine really I’m fine, all I have to do is sleep.

I’m lying on my bed with the panther and he rests his head on my shoulder and I know I need to have something to eat and I miss my sleep again this afternoon and I feel either worse or better I don’t know. Maybe worse and better are the same thing.

Everyone is drinking at the Southbank and I realise that I’m too old to die tragically young: I’m not twenty seven anymore I’m forty.

And I’m sorry that this post isn’t brave or inspirational or anything like that but it’s true and real. It’s all real until reality shifts again.

On the plus side Laila had some cubs. Here they are:

Happy Sunday everyone!

*1974. Song by Leonard Cohen. Song from the album New Skin For The Old Ceremony.

Bitter Wheat*

Work hard at Spin. Here I am with The Princess:

Then go to see the new Mamet play Bitter Wheat with my Aunty. It is quite amusing and holds our attention but Mamet should probably stop writing plays now. John Malkovich stars and he’s great.

It’s 5.49pm. It’s been warm and sunny today. Wear a summer dress for almost the first time this summer.

Am watching the tennis from Queens. It’s Feliciano Lopez and the new Canadian Auger-Aliassime. The panther lies next to me, resting his heavy head on my shoulder.

Happy Saturday everyone!

*2019. By David Mamet. Play.

Centre Court Murder*

Have the best day yesterday at Queens with Mum. Somehow we end up in Premier Seats – right at the front. We’re so close to the action. And the Premier Seats are extra comfortable and we have lots of leg room.

We see Diego Schwartzman beat Marin Cilic – here is Cilic:

Then – in a big upset – Nicholas Mahut beats Stan Wawrinka – here is Stan:

The lovely young Stefanos Tsitsipas has to play two matches – first he beats Kyle Edmund then Jeremy Chardy.

Tragically all that takes us up to six o’clock and we have to go home before Andy Murray and Feliciano López come out to play their doubles match.

We have such a lovely day. If only could go to Queens every day – don’t have to worry about anything there – can just enjoy the tennis. In exciting news: we are on the television! All Mum’s tennis friends text to tell Mum that they can see us.

When we get home we watch Andy and Feliciano win their match which is wonderful.

This morning work hard at Spin. Here I am:

Then teach The Warm Up in Pilates and it goes well and teacher is pleased with me. Here we are:

Have my Fulvestrant bum injections which are horribly painful then lunch and a sleep. Wake up and have my Zoladex injection.

Now am on the sofa with Mum and the panther, watching Jamie Murray and his new partner Skupski play Kontinen and Peers.

Happy Friday everyone!

*1951. By Bernard Newman. Tennis murder mystery novel.

A Company Of Swans*

Walk Gandalf and cuddle him in his house. Here is the handsome boy:

As I’m kissing him goodbye I feel sad that I’ve had my hour with him and won’t see him again for a whole week. He’s the most precious boy and the best company. Look how amazing he is.

Work hard at Barre which cheers me up as it always does. Here I am:

Come home and have bath. Then watch the start of Stan Wawrinka versus Dan Evans from Queens. Then rain stops play.

Have a sleep. Wake up and Stan and Dan are playing again – it’s been raining almost all day. Stan won the first set and is 4 – 2 up in the second with a break. Am watching the match from the grey sofa with the panther. He stares at the television with his amber eyes.

Fluffball is in for the day now and is having his supper.

May not manage a blog tomorrow as we’ll be at Queens watching the tennis. We’ve just heard that Andy Murray and Feliciano López will be playing their doubles match on Centre Court so we’ll see Andy! So excited!

Happy Wednesday everyone!

*1985. By Eva Ibbotson. Historical romance novel.