Panther In The Sky*

Waking up from my afternoon sleep, there’s a weight on my chest.  Opening my eyes, I see that the panther is next to me and one of his paws is pressing down on my front.

“You’re not meant to be here,” I say, trying to sit up.  He pushes me back down.

“Ah, but I am here,” he says.  “You look awful.  Exhausted.  And where’s that New Chap then?”

“He lives in Abroad,” I say.

“You see,” the panther says.  “He can’t bear to be near you and…”

“It’s not like that,” I say.  “He…”

“He’s not here though, is he?” The Panther says.  “But I am.  I’m back and you can’t get rid of me and…”

“But the new drugs are working,” I say.  “You’re not meant to be here and…”

“Well, obviously they’re not,” the panther says, resting his huge head on my shoulder.  Stroking his head, I lie down again.  He breathes into my ear and his breath smells of rotting meat.  It is a terrible disappointment that he is here, but life is cruel so here he is.

The attached photo is today’s gym outfit.

Happy Thursday everyone!
*1989.  By James Alexander Thom.  Novel.

Living In The Real World*

My mood still isn’t quite right.  And yet am not depressed.  There are some indicators of depression:

  1. Reluctance to talk on the phone.
  2. A feeling of heaviness and sadness.
  3. Crying.
  4. Spending hours and hours reading.

And yet, the crucial thing is that am not waking up in the morning feeling hopeless, which is what happens when mood is low.  Also: was able to chat to Dolly’s owner yesterday.  Was able to enjoy my walk with Dolly.  Also, lift my weights at the gym without a struggle today: when mood is low my strength declines dramatically.

So, am not sure exactly what is going on.  Maybe am still recovering from operation.  Or maybe drug combination is stopping mood dropping any further.

Have just achieved Body Scan Meditation and sleep and am feeling a bit better.

Will see trainer tomorrow and then will return to my parentals and fluffy monster.  Can’t wait to cuddle him.

Attached photo is today’s gym outfit.

Happy Wednesday everyone!
*1979.  Song by Blondie from the album Eat To The Beat.

I Know But I Don’t Know*

Walk to Dolly’s, walk her for an hour and then walk home.  Here we are:


Mood still not feeling quite right, but am able to talk to Dolly’s owner and to enjoy my walk in the sunshine with my lovely fluffy chum, so don’t think am depressed.

Maybe am still recovering from operation.  Have been sleeping all afternoon.

Am with Dolly in the attached photo.

Happy Tuesday everyone!
*1979.  Song by Blondie from the album Parallel Lines

This Must Be The Place*

Sitting up in bed writing this.  It’s 4.28pm.  Have been sleeping and after this am going to read something.  Finished the Elizabeth Jane Howard biography last night.  The new Maggie O’Farrell This Must Be The Place is sitting on bookshelf so will read that.

Mood is teetering on the edge of normal and low so am doing what I can to make sure it doesn’t crash.  If indeed can do anything.

Attend gym this morning and do all the different weights that can do with just legs.  Then walk to meet a chum who haven’t seen for ages.  Is great to see her.  Then walk home.

Here is gym outfit:


You can also see gym outfit in the attached photo.

Do my Body Scan Meditation and have a small sleep.

The leaves outside rustle in the breeze.

Tomorrow am walking Dolly.  Fingers crossed for good weather.  Am looking forward to seeing her and cuddling her.

Happy Monday everyone!
*2016.  By Maggie O’Farrell.  Novel.

One Way Or Another*

So, Rafael Nadal has just won his tenth French Open title.  This is wonderful.  He beat Stan Wawrinka in straight sets 6 – 2, 6 – 3, 6 – 1.  

After that excitement have gone back to bed to write this and to listen to Blondie: The Very Best Of 1975 – 82 which my uncle sent from Abroad.

Do what I can at Spin this morning.  Am still not on top form but shoulder isn’t as bad as it was.

Here is graph:


In exciting news: Mum has grown an artichoke.  Look:


Hopefully he will grow into a great big person and then we can eat him.

We see four red kites circling above us at the farm this morning.

Have a cuddle with my fluffy monster this morning.  He is so cuddly and soft.  Love him.

Am back at the flat now and soon it will be supper time.  Am enjoying Elizabeth Jane Howard: A Dangerous Innocence by Artemis Cooper, although it pales in comparison to Elizabeth Jane Howard’s autobiography Slipstream which is just wonderful.

It is sunny out there.  Let’s hope the weather remains warm and sunny for my walk with Dolly on Tuesday.

The attached photo is today’s Spin outfit.

Happy Sunday everyone!
*1978.  Song by Blondie from the album Parallel Lines.

My Monster*

Have injured my left shoulder, probably in my sleep by trying not to lie on the port.  Anyway: shoulder hurts and impedes my progress at Spin.  Here is graph:


Don’t know why it says it’s Friday when it’s today but never mind.

See psychiatrist and he is pleased that mood remains up which means that new drug combination – lurasidone plus venlafaxine – is working.  So that’s good.  This is the longest period of mood stability that have experienced since was 19.

Do Body Scan Meditation in bed but can’t sleep.  Will have an early night tonight.

Am lying on a cushion on the grass and the fluffy monster has just walked past me.  Dad is watering the flowers and Mum is reading The Times.

Am drinking iced coffee and lemon squash with fizzy water.

The attached photo is today’s Spin outfit.

A collared dove just landed on the bird table but has flown away already.

Happy Saturday everyone!
*2017.  Song by Blondie from the album Pollinator.

Game Of Edges*

Work very hard at first Spin class since operation.  My monitor on the bike runs out of battery, but do what I can to keep up with my instructor. Here is graph:


Here is Spin outfit:

Site of port is still hurting but it’s not infected, which is good.  Still feeling exhausted after the operation.

Walk Gandalf after Spin.  We have warm, sunny weather and is so good to see him.  Love this boy.  Here we are:


Visit my optician to pick up new prescription sunglasses and then return home for Body Scan Meditation and sleep.

Have just woken up to see Andy lose to Stan and now Rafa is battling Dominic Thiem.  

Mood remains up.  Was concerned yesterday that mood was dropping, but it turns out that was just worried about the election, and was right to be concerned.  On the plus side, we now have a government.  Let’s hope it will be OK.  

“This is just enormous hitting from Thiem,” the commentator says, but Rafa now has a break point on the Austrian’s serve which he converts to go 3 – 1 up in the first set.  Come on Rafa.  Now he’s 4 – 1 up…

Mum is in the kitchen making supper.  The fluffy monster is out.  Dad is in his office.

Happy Friday everyone!
*2015.  By Kent Allen.  Tennis novel.

Die Young Stay Pretty*

Wake up several times in the night.  Have some anxieties about various things at the moment.  Also, can’t sleep properly due to pain in front of shoulder.

Haul self out of bed and to the polling station to vote.  It’s raining although the BBC Weather App assures me that it’s not.  The sky is grey.  

Push self hard at training: am only allowed to do leg exercises but trainer is pleased with me.  Manage leg press, leg extension, leg curl, abductor and adductor machines: four sets of everything.  Even manage some abs exercises.  Here I am at gym:


Walk back to the flat in the rain and make a toasted feta and avocado sandwich with broccoli for lunch.

Catch train back to parentals.  This person is sleeping inside due to the rain:


Pull a twig out of his tail.  Love that fluffy monster.

Am huddled under my furry blanket drinking coffee and lemon squash and sort-of watching the tennis as I write this.

The attached photo is this morning’s gym outfit.

Happy Thursday everyone!
*1979.  Song by Blondie from the album Eat To The Beat.

Doom Or Destiny*

Achievements Of The Day:

  1. Haul self out of bed at 7.15am after a Bad Night of waking up every hour or so due to pain in front of shoulder where port is.  It doesn’t help that sleep on my front.
  2. See psychologist who is really pleased with me.
  3. Walk back to flat: 40 minutes.
  4. Make lunch: feta and avocado toasted sandwich on a bed of spinach.
  5. Watch Dominic Thiem defeat Novak Djokovic in straight sets.
  6. Do Body Scan but can’t sleep due to pain in shoulder.
  7. Am watching Andy Murray who has just gone two sets to one up against Kei Nishikori.
  8. You can see my knitting in the attached photo.
  9. The flat is clean and tidy.
  10. The weather has turned cold so am under furry blanket in the nest.
  11. Chat to MadFatRunner for the first time in Ages: we’ve both been in Abroad.  So that’s nice.
  12. Supper will be scrambled eggs and asparagus.
  13. Have been listening to Blondie’s Pollinator – it is excellent I think.
  14. Am looking forward to seeing trainer tomorrow although we are only allowed to work legs: no upper body for two weeks.
  15. Am also looking forward to voting.
  16. And then returning to parentals.
  17. To cuddle my fluffy monster.

Happy Wednesday everyone!
*2017.  Song by Blondie from the album Pollinator.

Too Much*

It’s 4.31pm.  Am huddled under my furry blanket, sipping lemon squash.  It’s raining in Paris so we’re watching a replay of Andy’s match yesterday until play starts again.

It’s stopped raining here so the fluffy monster has gone out.  Here he is earlier today:


This morning Mum drives me to Dolly’s but it’s torrential rain so we don’t walk her.  Have a cuddle with her and she seems upset not to get out.

We go to the supermarket and dump some food back at the flat.  Will need it tomorrow when I return to the flat after seeing psychologist.

Shoulder hurts where port was inserted yesterday.  Do Body Scan Meditation but can’t sleep.

Hopefully we’ll see Rafa playing later.

Happy Tuesday everyone!
*2017.  Song by Blondie from the album Pollinator.