Find You First*

Wake up crying about my ex-boss being dead. I have Bad Janet Days sometimes, just not as often as before. My darling ex-colleague whom I haven’t seen since the funeral comes round and we have flat whites and salted caramel chocolate 🍫 brownies from Costa with orange melon 🍈 and coffee ice cream 🍨.

It’s warm – twenty degrees – and sunny 🌞 and we sit in the garden 🪴 on a blanket.

Then she helps me with my bath 🛁 and puts a new dressing on my radiotherapy burn.

We talk about old times and I do a Tarot Reading for her face to face. I can hardly remember anything and then keep looking in the book 📖. I will stick to online readings until I have had more face-to-face practise. On the plus side the cards gave a resounding Yes! Go for it! to her question about whether or not to do something life-changing so that is good.

Meditate 🧘‍♀️ but can’t sleep. Get up and talk to brother briefly and then Suzy whilst she is on a long drive to deepest South London.

Mum comes to get me from flat and we change my sheets as it’s hot in the flat at night and I sweat all over them. I put the heating down at night but the temperature even with no hearing is about twenty degrees.

Do a wash and hang the clothes on the airer when I wake up from my sleep. Put dishwasher on and take out rubbish and recycling before I go.

Arrive home to find Fluffball in the front garden. Mum calls him but he doesn’t come in and vanishes.

Have my supper: toasted goat cheese and pesto sandwich 🥪 with raw spinach.

Mum goes out again to look for Fluffball and finds him in the hedge. She rattles his food bowl and he does running to get to his supper. Thank G-d. I was worried that he’d gone missing again.

Now am back in bed under my summer blanket which is dark purple velvet.

On the not-plus-side I have cystitis so will have to get something to treat it with tomorrow.

Happy Sunday everyone!

*2021. By Linwood Barclay. Murder mystery thriller.

The Drowning Kind*

Wake up at six o’clock but go back till half past eight. Pilates at nine fifteen for an hour and work hard. Astrology course half past ten till half past one. We learn about planets, houses and relationships. Will watch the rest later which is about work.

Sleep at two o’clock for an hour which isn’t long enough. Exhausted.

Ben comes round with my new birthday present Tarot deck: the Neon Moon. Thank you also to a couple of my cousins and another friend: it is not a cheap deck plus it shipped from America!

We sit in the garden in the warm sunshine 🌞 it’s lovely.

Ben changes my radiotherapy burn dressing. He has just finished working in a care home so is good at such things.

Now am back in bed at 5.55pm and will go to sleep in a minute.

Happy Saturday everyone!

2021. By Jennifer McMahon. Murder mystery thriller set in Vermont.

Sleeping Murder*

Wake up at six o’clock this morning after going to bed at eight o’clock last night. Have breakfast and go back to sleep till half past seven.

A couple of Mum’s friends come round and we sit in the garden 🪴: it is warm and sunny and Mum puts up the new red umbrella so I can have some shade. Go back to bed eleven till twelve o’clock.

We have lunch in the garden 🪴 for the second time this year. Dad brings me back to the flat and I sleep from two o’clock till 5.17pm when Suzy comes round. She sits in the garden and we have our supper. It is good to see her: it’s been a while.

I return to bed at ten past seven and do my Tarot Card of the Day. It’s apt that I pull the Four of Swords which is all about rest, taking it easy and taking a break.

It’s 8.14pm so I’m going to meditate and sleep now. I have a busy day tomorrow: all day Astrology course lectures and then Ben is coming round with my present 🎁 at 4.30pm.

I’m not quite sure whilst I’m suddenly So Exhausted. I’m on a lot of meds certainly. Oncologist says I must have as much sleep as I need. Also, today Pilates is cancelled and I don’t feel good if I can’t exercise.

I miss my fluffy angel nurse. I hope he is OK.

Happy Friday everyone!

*1976. By Agatha Christie. The last Miss Marple book. A classic. Read it!

Murder At The Mill*

New Urban Decay lipsticks – one on bottom lip and different on on top lip 💄💋and eyeliner 👁. The website has a good thing whereby you upload a photo and click on a make-up item and it shows you what the product looks like on you.
Fluffball in the garden 🪴 at lunchtime. We have lunch in the garden for the second time this year!
Tree peony has a flower
Orange geum
The first allium
Moving house Tarot Reading spread that I made up myself!
Deck: The White Sage Tarot deck.

Yesterday I sleep from two in the afternoon till five o’clock, have supper, am back in bed by 5.45pm and don’t wake up until five o’clock this morning, when I do the Moving House 🏡 Tarot Reading.

See my oncologist at twenty past eight. He is pleased that I’m not ill after chemotherapy – yay. He is sorry that the radiotherapy didn’t just not work but made me iller. He wants to see me again after my next treatment.

Work really hard at Personal Training and do a lot of lifting my four kilogram weights. Am lucky that due to all my hard Barre, Pilates and Personal Training work I have a very strong core.

We have lunch in the garden 🪴 and then walk to the post box and back. Sit outside with parentals and Fluffball until my meditation 🧘‍♀️ and sleep.

Wake up and have my snack in the garden with parents and Fluffy. He does rolling and running. Then we come inside and Mum makes a quiche, roasted cauliflower and some of my plant-based burgers 🍔. Can take two back to the flat tomorrow. Have a bath 🛁.

Fluffball is sleeping on my bed and I’m going to squeeze self around him now.

Happy Thursday everyone!

*2018. By M. B. Shaw. Book One in the Iris Grey murder mystery series, set in Hampshire, UK.

Rules For Perfect Murders*

Fluffball nursing me on my bed 🛌 💜 🐱 🥰
And helping me with my Tarot card of the day 🎴
The first iris is open in the garden 🪴
My antibody test: I have antibodies!
Yesterday’s Tarot Card of the Day 🎴
Fluffball nursing me last night.

So last night I went to bed at 5.45pm, straight after supper. Fluffball was comfortable on my screwed up duvet and blanket so I picked him up and put him on the furry blanket on the far end of my bed. He looked after me until nine o’clock 🕘 at which time Mum took him away to have his supper which he usually has at 6.30pm but he’d been busy with me. He didn’t want his wet food. Then Mum tried to give him some dry food which he also rejected.

I slept from 5.45pm to five o’clock in the morning. When I wake up this morning I do my Tarot post from yesterday – am meant to post on my Instagram every day: #TarotEveryDamnDay. Then I write a chapter of the Memoir about Tarot and Astrology. Deadline is 31st May 😱. I do hope I can get a draft I’m pleased with by then.

Chat to Mary for our morning chat and then have my mid-morning snack: a scone with lemon 🍋 curd from the Farm Shop and cream cheese from Yummies.

Work hard at Pilates and then chat to my teacher and chums. It’s chemo at twelve so I pull on my silver velvet Onzie flares, my purple Rafa Nike jacket, my purple wig and my new purple Naomi Osaka Nike trainers. I look like I’ve been sectioned for thinking I’m Frida from ABBA.

At the cancer hospital I crawl into my bed Christina my favourite nurse 👩‍⚕️ makes for me. Then we flush the port with saline and then it’s Gemcitapine – half the usual dose to try to avoid me becoming ill this time 🤒 🤢 🤮 💩.

After chemo Dad picks me up and I settle down for my afternoon sleep. Sleep well and for about ninety minutes.

Have my post-sleep snack chocolate 🍫 brownie from Yummies in the village, some orange melon 🍈and some coffee ice cream 🍨 and an iced coffee ☕️.

Then fiddle about on phone for a bit: Facebook, Instagram and Amazon.

It’s supper at 5.17pm which is an asparagus and feta and Parmesan tart from Cook at the Farm Shop and English asparagus, tender stem broccoli 🥦, peas and cauliflower.

Return to bed where Fluffball is waiting for me. Pull a Tarot Card for the Day – see above photo. Talk to Suzy and Leon.

I’m just going to post this and then meditate 🧘‍♀️ and sleep.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

*2020. By Peter Swanson. FBI Agent Gwen Mulvey investigates and finds herself at the bookshop Old Devils. Murder mystery novel.

Death Comes At The End*

Fluffball sitting on my windowsill at about six o’clock this morning.

Wake up after six o’clock this morning after sleeping from ten o’clock last night. Find Fluffball and bring him into my room: write ✍️ six pages of Memoir by seven o’clock. Then it’s breakfast time. Have my porridge with coffee.

My ex-colleague comes to visit at ten o’clock – she stays til eleven. Then lunch, meditation and sleep 😴till three. Wake up and have 🥭 and a cupcake.

Go for a drive with Mum through Shenley and up to Sopwell and back. We see the donkeys in their shed: poking their heads out.

Have a grilled cheese sandwich 🥪 at five o’clock and now am going back to bed. This space is great for resting.

Isn’t this a slow, exhaustingcrawling towards bedtime.

Happy Sunday everyone.

*1994. By Agatha Christie. Historical murder mystery.


Fluffball in the garden 🪴 at lunchtime. Soy plant-based 🌱 burger 🍔, pitta 🥙 and spinach.
Fluffball sleeping on my bed 🛌 💜

Wake up at six o’clock after a long sleep 😴. Have breakfast at seven o’clock.

Pilates is at quarter last nine. Work very hard and teacher is pleased with me.

Dad picks me up from the flat and then some of my cousins visit. Meditate 🧘‍♀️ and sleep.

Wake up, have some melon 🍈 and a scone with cream cheese and lemon 🍋 curd. Have supper at five thirty.

A couple of my friends visit. It warms up and is sunny 🌞. Eventually it’s seven o’clock and they set off back to West London.

Feel really calm and happy.

Now Fluffball is sitting on my windowsill 🪟 gazing out into the garden 🪴 in the dark.

Listen to Primal Scream Screamadelica.

Now I’m going to take my evening meds and go to sleep.

Happy Saturday everyone!

*1991. By Primal Scream. Album.

Good, Clean Murder*

Pull my Card For The Day from my new Hermetic Tarot which was a gift from my Aunty. I love my new deck with the Golden Dawn names and esoteric symbols, and the original card names.

Katie came round who was at Mind but is now the community well-being person for our synagogue 🕍. It’s so good to see her: we really get on well. She is going to visit every two weeks which is great.

Mum brings me back to the flat. She cleans the kitchen and bathrooms and I hang up my winter dresses in the spare room and throw out some more clothes.

Have lunch, meditate and sleep. Talk to Leon when I wake up and am now waiting for Gemma to visit for the first time in a couple of years – where does the time go.

Had better post this and get ready.

Happy Friday everyone!

*2013. By Traci Tyne Hilton. Jane cleans houses to make ends meet but then there’s a series of murders. Book One in the Plain Jane Cozy Christian series.

Salvador Dali Murder*

Spitfire looking out of my window this morning.
My new Naomi Osaka tennis shoes from Nike. I adore them.
My beloved Salvador Dali Tarot deck which I don’t use much but used yesterday.
Spitfire on my bed yesterday morning.

So, yesterday, I wake up at five o’clock in the morning after sleeping from 9.45pm. Woke up feeling tired. Wrote a list of Things To Eat When You’re Not Hungry for Memoir.

Worked hard at Personal Training and my biceps hurt now.

Tidy my room as I do everyday but it always becomes messy quickly. I have Too Much Stuff in here. On the plus side, Mum’s friend who works at the Oxfam bookshop takes away three boxes of books 📚.

Have made space for all my new Astrology and Tarot books.

Have lunch, meditate and sleep. Wake up and Mum helps me with my bath.

Have supper at five o’clock by which time I’m exhausted. Go back to bed after supper and fall asleep, ten minutes into my astrology course. That’s two weeks after three that I’ve missed now. The course is repeated on every other Saturday so I am going to try an all-day Saturday one next.

Happy Friday everyone!

*2015. By Howard DeWitt. Muslim terrorists are attacking Barcelona.

When Chimpanzees Dream Astrology*

Fluffball spat out his Piriton 4 times 🤦‍♀️ we try again tomorrow.
New normal colour wig for if I need to do Publicity for the Memoir when it comes out Soon!
Book by Amazing astrologer who spoke at the conference I attended on the astrological signs of different artists and architects and how this affected their work. Also he is very handsome and has sexy Berlin accent. Birthday 🥳 present from one of my favourite uncles.
Card for the day from my new Tarot Illuminati – birthday present from my bipolar male bestie Leon.
Card for the day for Mary. I love this deck 😻.
A second card for the day. I love the Prince of Wands in this deck. It’s one of my Heart 💜 Decks definitely 💚.
Look how stunning even the box is 📦!
This 😂

Go to sleep yesterday afternoon. Wake up at five o’clock for supper. Go back to sleep. Mum wakes me up and gives me my night time meds 💊 at nine. Sleep till six o’clock this morning.

Am upset as the Barre crew am at a Real Life Class that my darling teacher is now running at the new expensive sportswear shop in the village: Boutique 8. I’m not allowed to go because COVID-19 🦠. Cry 😭. Return to bed.

Speak to Mary. Feel a bit better. Go to Destiny Rising at the farm and buy some Energy Incense. In the farm shop purchase:

  1. Lemon 🍋 curd
  2. Cook 👩‍🍳 Asparagus, pea, feta and Parmesan tart which have for supper and it’s excellent 😋.
  3. Chocolate 🍫 ice cream 🍨 with chunky bits.
  4. Cook 👨‍🍳 Mexican Three Bean Chilli.
  5. Freshly squeezed orange 🍊 juice 🧃 and freshly squeezed cloudy apple 🍏 juice by Folkingtons.
  6. Iced coffee ☕️ in cans.

Speak to my psychiatrist Dr Stein and he waves his magic wand 🪄 and everything seems better.

Talk to Leon and Mary again. Am cheerful today.

Sit outside in the garden in the sunshine 🌞 with Mum and Fluffball. Wear sun hat 👒 and dress 👗 and Fit Flops 🩴. Walk to post box 📬 with Mum. The house martins are back from Africa for the summer. They return to the same house 🏡 in Beech Avenue every year. It’s a miracle.

Call GP surgery to make an appointment to talk to doctor 👩‍⚕️ next month: she wants to speak to me every month. Talk to Rosie – well-being coordinator at my synagogue 🕍 who used to be at Mind and she’s coming round on Friday morning. Need the extra support as really ill ATM 🤢 🤮 😫🥶😰🥱😴😪🤧🤒🤕😷.

Tidy bedroom a bit but it’s a losing battle.

Cuddle Fluffball. Try to assemble my new Lego knights but they’re fiddly and I’m too tired.

Talk to parents whilst they have supper.

Now finally am writing this. Going to sleep a bit later tonight as am determined to have a lie-in tomorrow: fifteen hours of sleep last night was good: I need More Sleep Every Night.

Just have to write my Tarot Card of the Day post now.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

*2004. By Alexander Graf Von Schlieffen. An introduction to the quadrants of the horoscope.